Black Friday

Black Friday is definitely not a big deal to me. Never was, never will be. But by coincidence I ended up having a day off work on Friday (yesterday), therefore I thought "why the hell not" and wen to the shops to see what was on sales. Most of the stuff I like (stationery + office stuff) were not on sale so yeah... although it was a good gander, it was really disappointing. Most stores on sales were really expensive clothes stores (and the clothes there tend to be above £100), so as soon as they are reduced you can figure that that value is still too much for your dear wallet. So no. There wasn't a lot I've took advantage of. Although I must admit I did find a lingerie store with everything at 20% and I saved there at least £12, which is really good. For once spoil myself! Overall it was great to go to the White Rose Shopping Centre without anyone else but me. To have a gander around the shopping centre from head to toe. And guess what I'm really close to find my way in and out on my own! This way I'm always learning, by being on my own. Have a lovely weekend.

In English only ... perhaps forever

I started this topic thinking how do I care so much about what other people think about me. Why is this always my first thought about everything and anything "Have you shared this with them? What did they say? Do they hate me?". I hate myself for asking these same questions to myself. I've found recently I have medium OCD and mild depression. If for one hand I feel like I've been answered my fears and what I was always afraid of. In the other hand I keep thinking it's all in my head and if it's in my head I can keep it out. I've been behaving like a child. A complete child. Worrying about useless things, like what other people think. Instead I can't even concentrate on the smallest things. Like arriving home and having someone there for me. Not being alone. Having a family that thinks about me and cares for me. Having people to talk to you. Little things that don't mean anything to me on a daily basis and yet when I sit down and think about it, I'm actually very lucky for having the life I have. I'm childish, I'm spoiled, I'm selfish, I'm little as a person, I'm ignorant. This is what I think about myself and it's what I hate the most. I need to stop looking at myself and myself only. I can't believe I make a big deal out of everything when there are a lot worse in the world with more important concerns than just what other people might think of them. I need to grow up. I'm 24 years old and I feel like I'm stuck in my 18. Will I ever learn? At the moment I don't know. I really want to know. I really want to become more mature and indifferent. Anyway rant of the day. As for the title I believe I will keep it in English from now on. I just find it more difficult nowadays to reveal my feelings properly in Portuguese. English sounds ok to me. I'm sorry if I'm being inconsiderate towards you, I hope you can understand my decision. With love.

November already?

Nao posso acreditar que ja e' Novembro. Nao entendo esta correria, o passar do tempo sem poder gozar com calma e tranquilidade momentos de celebracao. Passam a correr. Num minuto e' a excitacao toda para comecar a animacao, no outro minuto tudo acaba. Acaba assim num silencio ensurdecedor. E' na minha opiniao realmente muito assustador. A forma como ansiamos por certas e determinadas datas e assim do nada simplesmente terminam. Quero mais tempo. Quero mais dedicacao e carinho. Sera talvez pedir muito? Nao sei. Mas sei que nao gosto disto assim... Nao gosto de nao poder sentir o tempo passar. Bem de qualquer das formas venho por este meio para partilhar novidades, nao e' para partilhar.... pensamentos irrelevantes! O meu contracto foi extendido ate' dia 31 de Dezembro, o que por um lado me da' uma enorme felicidade por outro lado algo me diz que ira continuar assim, extende mais 1 mezito, extende outro e continuara assim. Nao me cheira a contracto permanente tao cedo. O que nao me da' seguranca nenhuma como devem calcular. As minhas ferias ja estao marcadas para Dezembro para ir a Portugal. E embora ja estou mais calma pois ja sei que posso tirar esses dias para mim, por outro lado vou estar em Portugal (e' certa e sabida) e nao saber se vou ter emprego em Janeiro. E isto nao e' necessariamente bem. Julgo que a minha unica solucao realmente sera ou esperar (o que nao me convem minimamente) ou encosta-los a parede e realmente exigir uma resposta no final deste mes. Embora corra o risco de que assim a pressao seja maior e fique sem nada. Mas sinceramente prefiro viver assim a ter o coracao nas maos constantemente. Bem! Hoje e' um novo dia, pensamento positivo :) Hasta!